Hot Mess for Breakfast

It's been a while I know! But SO much has happened in the past month that it would be horrible for me not to update you all. (You all, as if I had a following...ha). The biggest and my best accomplishment? Landing an internship at SPLASH at the Chicago Sun Times, their newly launched high society, celebrity, and style section. I was BEYOND lucky I didn't have to do any of the junk that comes for applying for an internship: the application, the recommendations, the resume. All I did was walk (flustered, since I had to leave class early and catch the train) into the Sun Times offices, conduct a profile based interview with their editor in chief (who is so-freaking-fabulous) for a shadowing assignment in my Intro to Journalism class. By the end of the interview and a quick tour around the offices (no more than an hour) I was asked if I was interested in interning--by the editor in chief herself. Everyone--my professor, my classmates, my colleagues, are asking me what I did to nab this internship. I will say it once and a million times over:

I did nothing!!!

I didn't look as sharp as I usually would considering I had a bright and early 8am class that day. What looks good through puffy and swollen red rubbed eyes at 6:45 doesn't look so hot six hours later. But I looked decent. (My hair was sort of flat once again due to lack of time). Because I knew I'd be racing against the clock and the train, I wore flats and didn't bother to pack an extra pair of heels. (Journalists are supposed to be frumpy right!? Hahaha, of course not!). I got there at 3:30 on the dot (go. me.) and nervously conducted the interview which I was so lucky flowed like a natural conversation instead of a quirky Q&A. If I were Susanna (the editor I interviewed) I would have seen a flustered, doe eyed, nervous and awe struck girl (because when you heard this woman's luck of the draw story how could you not!). Thank GOD whatever she saw through her eyes was something else. I don't know what she saw in me during our conversation---if I had to take a guess it would have had to been my passion in what I was saying.

Every new person I meet at my "job"--I call it that for internship can be so dang long to type out all the time, though don't be fooled, I'm not paid!!--thinks I'm 21 and up or even graduated. Their faces when I say I'm a freshman and only 18 crack me up every time. Maybe it's how I carry myself, maybe it's just the typical assumption, but I'm thankful for the confusion. It shows them that "wow. She must have something" for me to be there so young.

Don't get me wrong, there are days I definitely feel like an "intern" over a team member, especially when working with the other two interns there who are college seniors and look at me as if I'm a toddler. I'm only two weeks in and have already shown where I shine best--ie. my writing. My editors have promised to hand me over more writing assignments since they were so impressed with the (short) articles I wrote cold turkey. I'm planning on diving into work even more come winter break, because I need all the distraction I need to brace the possible (unless this girl can find some money) six weeks without my boyfriend, six more weeks without seeing my best friends, six weeks of killing that dwelling winter break boredom. So in essence, my editors haven't seen full force Bianca yet.

Today has been a fluster. Actually--these past few WEEKS have been a fluster. I'm in the midst of a million emotions, a new one brewing each day. A few days after my last post, I was informed my parents along with my little sister, my older sister, her husband and my nephew (basically the whole Betancourt SHABANG) were moving--in less than month--to Illinois. Where I am. Currently.

After I got off the phone with my father, I immediately called my boyfriend, yelled at him to come upstairs to my dorm, and bawled my heart out.

It was too much to take in at that very moment. It didn't help that at that point in time my boyfriend and I weren't in the best place, and the only thing on my mind was that winter break was coming up and that would mean (unless I magically find money for tickets) six weeks apart. I couldn't even bare to even ponder the fact of summer vacation.

To me, being the emotional mess that I was, couldn't think of something WORSE to happen to me. Yeah, it would have benefited me in the sake that I wouldn't be quite so starving anymore, wouldn't have any lack of supplies, and my family would be closer, I would no longer have to be absent from my little sister or my nephew's lives--missing them growing up. But  I was still ANGRY. I knew my parents wanted a change of pace from Arizona--it seems like no non-conservative is safe there anymore, so I don't blame them--but I didn't expect them to move so quickly! But then I thought:

This is my mother we're talking about.

She's protective. Maybe that word is an understatement. Okay, it IS an understatement, but I couldn't believe the fact she really had proven her crazy by following me out here when I know she has NO desire to live here. She detests cities, unless you're walking down Michigan Avenue or Manhattan in  New York (my mother is also the only person in the world who has something against New York City) and she only proclaimed her dislike of Chicago the entire time she and my father were here to move me in, and weeks after they had already left. So why are they moving here?

I'm still not sure.

She went on and on the other day about why I couldn't have gone to a school in California or Colorado--(because they don't have good journalism schools in either of those states....) and I always ask if she wants to live in those places so badly--why doesn't she go??

Still no answer.

She insists that I still have my independence living at the dorm, but I can feel it quickly slipping away. And me being as dramatic as I can tend to be sometimes...I feel like even though MOST of this is about being closer to me/being overprotective/saving some money on my future tuition costs--their moving being a fantastic way to jeopardize my boyfriend and I's relationship seems to be an underlying factor too.

(Moral of that story? My parents want someone for me who will treat me like a princess, and treat THEM like the King and Queen, and is vanilla enough not to turn me into "something else". I want to share my life with someone I'll smile about decades later and taught my new things about life. I believe I've found that person--but our anniversary is in a few weeks so I'll write a sappy post about that later).

Not to mention the fact my best friends--the only thing WORTH it about Arizona....so many traditions put on hold from now on.

I'm TRULY so frustrated because I am loving where my life is right now. I'm more confident with city living, I'm more confident being on my OWN, and I feel like life is only going to get better from this point on. But once again there's a hurdle stopping me from reaching my ultimate peak point. When you had a fantastic day exploring a new neighborhood or part of the city, and you wanna tell your mom about it, but all she can talk about is how gross and disgusting it was that you rode public transportation? It's a real downer.

I was going to go on a whole other tirade about how politics and dogmatic people bring out the worst in individuals but I'm too tired for that now. And sad :(

Shopping for my Halloween costume tomorrow (on my VERY limited budget) and hopefully persuading said mother into buying me the entire Lana Del Rey Winter Ad Collection from H&M tomorrow.

Always hoping for a better tomorrow.

I currently have a C in my Intro to Journalism class. Why? Because for some reason the majority of our grade is based on frivolous current event pop quizzes instead of you know--writing assignments. I DO keep up with current events. But glancing around at other people's grades as quizzes are being passed out--I know I'm not the only one struggling with this grading concept. How on EARTH are we supposed to be prepared to know about a random picking of ten events when there are THOUSANDS going on and being reported about at one time. A better quiz would be to LIST ten current events, so students can share what THEY have found and there's more of a diversity going. I am sorry I don't pay attention to the copy-cat strikers (aka some new group every week) after the infamous teacher's strike. It's like when everyone started  to get photographed not wearing underwear after Paris Hilton did. Eventually they all started to blend in---"Who was it this week?" I think we have a total of three writing assignments in this class (including a book review on the media one I complained about in the last post). Now it's not a matter of how well I write my articles--because I always turn in a well written paper--it's a matter if my professor likes it or not because from the vibes I've gotten thusfar from her---she does not like me. My guess is that ever since the first day when I announced I was a broadcast concentration I got an invisible eyeroll. "Oh so you just want to be on TV" she and many others I'm sure thought.

WRONG.

This is what angers me about having to choose a concentration/explaining "what I want to do with my life" to others. I don't want to be just some talking puppet who reads off the ongoings of the county fair or what I'm sure many think I aim to do --be a semi-well dressed reporter on the sidelines of the red carpet interviewing all the pretty people. No. I want to be the reporter famous people WANT to nab an interview with. I want to do some broadcasting so people have a face to my words, and I want my image to be one that they can trust, and always know they are getting the best and most honest information from. I want to ask those hard questions--the ones that push the line. I want an audience to know me as a person, not just a face on a screen or a byline underneath the headline. I want to connect the world through my words, my thoughts, and my reports so a majority of the world has a common connection with top stories.

So no, to anyone who thinks otherwise, I don't want to just be some "anchor". I eventually want to start my own magazine, for TODAY'S woman, who doesn't need a 100 page magazine simply on what lipstick to choose. For someone ultra literate, appreciative of history and the future, who doesn't mind look stylish while she's conquering her own world. I want to interview Presidents and world leaders, one hit wonder singers and incognito hollywood stars. I want to do it all.

And I don't need anyone who thinks I'm aiming too high, to be standing in my way.

                                                   I had to. Happy Mean Girls Day, ya'll.

I'm starting to realize the setbacks of dormlife/roommate living. All I ask is that I can watch TV now and then, and be able to do my daily makeup/getting ready routine without being viewed as "the one who takes forever". (I wanna put my best face forward in the world--literally--I see no shame in that, and six out of the seven days of the week, I take under 20 minutes to get ready). There's such a difference between living with friends and living with strangers who you hope to become friends with. My closest friends would know every day when Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars or X-Factor (BRITNEY) is on that they don't even touch that remote. With "strangers", how do you say "Um, if I don't watch this I'm pretty much going to die" without seeming psycho or just silly? How do you say "Umm can you get off Facebook for five minutes so I can actually do my homework that requires internet access" without seeming like a total bitch? SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME what do you do when you CANNOT help that your hair "sheds" a little bit, and you thought you were doing your part by swooshing it down the drain instead of leaving it ala "The Exorcist" style in the bathtub!? (Apparently I was not doing my part, I learned that today). I am in no way bitching. I'm lucky I have three super funny roommates who are also super chill about almost anything. I know there are MANY who have and/or had worse than me. (I've heard some horror stories that have included machetes....no joke). It's just one of those feelings when you thought you were doing the best you possibly could but then someone slaps you in the face saying "You really thought that was enough?". However, if I wanted to be a constant people pleaser, I'd be majoring in Hospitality Services then, now wouldn't I?

Divas can't conform. It's just not in their nature.

In other late night babbles, I'm freaking out because I can't remember half of the pom routine I learned last week that we're supposed to show to new auditionees tomorrow evening. (Did I mention I was in the front? Yeaaaah, I'm screwed) and I'm REALLY avoiding reading my damn required book for my Journalism class. The Problem of the U.S Media: U.S Communication Politics in the 21st Century. Mr. Robert W. McChesney, you could have summed your entire 300 page book in a mere sentence:

 The media is too much of a monopoly.

Now Mr. McChesney, what would you do to fix this monopolic media world we're living in? Oh....no answer....?

Awkward.

In more positive news, I've made a friend :) Someone who I think is going to genuinely be around for a while and that I don't have to pretend I have things in common with! The girls at my school, and I think in the Downtown area of Chicago in general are majorly intimidating. I'm sorry my shorts don't cut off at the same angle of yours or that my hair isn't growing out the ombre from this past summer but dammit, I AM A NICE GIRL. And that's all I need to give to anyone.

But hey, Carrie Bradshaw wasn't the most popular either. But she still loved life.

And I am doing the same.

It's two o'clock in the morning. I have ten pages left to go in my assigned journalism reading. Hey Arnold and my new (but old) iPhone are completely distracting me from getting it done. I figured "Hey I don't have class until two, I'll fool around on Instagram a bit more then finish the last few pages in the morning" WRONG. I already have to wake up earlier than my usual noon awakening because of a club event tomorrow. (Free. Food. Enough said) as well as entertaining my early bird of a friend who came to visit my boyfriend and I at school for a few days. I would try to wake up early enough to get a proper workout in to jump start my day AND energy but the days where I HAVE to wake up early (for my 8am Television Production class) I never cease to want to pass out on the classroom floor. "SCREW HOW MUCH I'M PAYING FOR THIS. LET ME SLEEP!" I want to scream! But of course, it's no one's fault but my own that I'm a night owl. The Nanny doesn't come on until midnight anyways, so naturally, I have to stay awake. I apologize for the lack of luxurious linguistic tendencies of this post. I had a long day today that included waking up at the crack of noon, exploring Chinatown, revisiting my favorite area so far--Belmont--and visiting shops, restaurants and multiple places in between. Don't think my college life is that luxurious however, I have a measly amount of money in my account that is supposed to last me until the end of October...and let's just say buying a four dollar cupcake today was a splurge. But enough of my exhausted babbling. I'll promise a more coherent post tomorrow!

                                       

The first weeks of college are all about every adult, student, adviser or even sometimes strangers asking you about your life--what you're going to do with it, how you're going to do it, and every Debbie Downer's favorite-what if you don't succeed doing it? I've only been in school three weeks (I'm attending the uuber hip but slightly under the radar Columbia College Chicago) and I've contemplated my answers to these questions multiple times. All I know is everything that I want to do is also everything that I need to do, in order for me to make my life in the longrun-worthwhile. Saying "I want to be a journalist" does not do my real list of goals justice. I want to do it all. I'm concentrating in Television Broadcast, but I don't want to be just a talking puppet reading a teleprompter. I want to grill public figures, politicians, celebrities-Soledad O'Brien style. I wanna pour my heart out in order to help hurting hearts or confused souls--like "Carrie Bradshaw". I want the entire world, as if they were part of my family, my best friend or a lover--to trust me, and I want my words, whether spoken, written, or dictated, to connect everyone to the other. By more than just a click of a button. By more than just a friend request can do. And I don't think there has anyone who has done that just yet.

Don't be fooled by my super slick introduction of myself. The title of my blog says it all. I am a hot mess! And I wake up that way everyday, it never changes. I'm classy, funky, erratic, eclectic, sweet, spicy, SASSY, humble and yet--a homebody. (Not to mention bipolar, Britney Spears obsessed, overly ambitious, an escapist...you name it). From now on it's my goal to update daily, and put effort into this blog. It's time to brand myself--show the world who I am. Whether I'm talking about food, my boyfriend, the perfect cupcake recipe, creepy construction workers, celebrities, or just daily erratic musings--every word you'll read is ME.

I hope you like her.