Hot Mess for Breakfast

Today has been a fluster. Actually--these past few WEEKS have been a fluster. I'm in the midst of a million emotions, a new one brewing each day. A few days after my last post, I was informed my parents along with my little sister, my older sister, her husband and my nephew (basically the whole Betancourt SHABANG) were moving--in less than month--to Illinois. Where I am. Currently.

After I got off the phone with my father, I immediately called my boyfriend, yelled at him to come upstairs to my dorm, and bawled my heart out.

It was too much to take in at that very moment. It didn't help that at that point in time my boyfriend and I weren't in the best place, and the only thing on my mind was that winter break was coming up and that would mean (unless I magically find money for tickets) six weeks apart. I couldn't even bare to even ponder the fact of summer vacation.

To me, being the emotional mess that I was, couldn't think of something WORSE to happen to me. Yeah, it would have benefited me in the sake that I wouldn't be quite so starving anymore, wouldn't have any lack of supplies, and my family would be closer, I would no longer have to be absent from my little sister or my nephew's lives--missing them growing up. But  I was still ANGRY. I knew my parents wanted a change of pace from Arizona--it seems like no non-conservative is safe there anymore, so I don't blame them--but I didn't expect them to move so quickly! But then I thought:

This is my mother we're talking about.

She's protective. Maybe that word is an understatement. Okay, it IS an understatement, but I couldn't believe the fact she really had proven her crazy by following me out here when I know she has NO desire to live here. She detests cities, unless you're walking down Michigan Avenue or Manhattan in  New York (my mother is also the only person in the world who has something against New York City) and she only proclaimed her dislike of Chicago the entire time she and my father were here to move me in, and weeks after they had already left. So why are they moving here?

I'm still not sure.

She went on and on the other day about why I couldn't have gone to a school in California or Colorado--(because they don't have good journalism schools in either of those states....) and I always ask if she wants to live in those places so badly--why doesn't she go??

Still no answer.

She insists that I still have my independence living at the dorm, but I can feel it quickly slipping away. And me being as dramatic as I can tend to be sometimes...I feel like even though MOST of this is about being closer to me/being overprotective/saving some money on my future tuition costs--their moving being a fantastic way to jeopardize my boyfriend and I's relationship seems to be an underlying factor too.

(Moral of that story? My parents want someone for me who will treat me like a princess, and treat THEM like the King and Queen, and is vanilla enough not to turn me into "something else". I want to share my life with someone I'll smile about decades later and taught my new things about life. I believe I've found that person--but our anniversary is in a few weeks so I'll write a sappy post about that later).

Not to mention the fact my best friends--the only thing WORTH it about Arizona....so many traditions put on hold from now on.

I'm TRULY so frustrated because I am loving where my life is right now. I'm more confident with city living, I'm more confident being on my OWN, and I feel like life is only going to get better from this point on. But once again there's a hurdle stopping me from reaching my ultimate peak point. When you had a fantastic day exploring a new neighborhood or part of the city, and you wanna tell your mom about it, but all she can talk about is how gross and disgusting it was that you rode public transportation? It's a real downer.

I was going to go on a whole other tirade about how politics and dogmatic people bring out the worst in individuals but I'm too tired for that now. And sad :(

Shopping for my Halloween costume tomorrow (on my VERY limited budget) and hopefully persuading said mother into buying me the entire Lana Del Rey Winter Ad Collection from H&M tomorrow.

Always hoping for a better tomorrow.