Today has been a fluster. Actually--these past few WEEKS have been a fluster. I'm in the midst of a million emotions, a new one brewing each day. A few days after my last post, I was informed my parents along with my little sister, my older sister, her husband and my nephew (basically the whole Betancourt SHABANG) were moving--in less than month--to Illinois. Where I am. Currently.
After I got off the phone with my father, I immediately called my boyfriend, yelled at him to come upstairs to my dorm, and bawled my heart out.
It was too much to take in at that very moment. It didn't help that at that point in time my boyfriend and I weren't in the best place, and the only thing on my mind was that winter break was coming up and that would mean (unless I magically find money for tickets) six weeks apart. I couldn't even bare to even ponder the fact of summer vacation.
To me, being the emotional mess that I was, couldn't think of something WORSE to happen to me. Yeah, it would have benefited me in the sake that I wouldn't be quite so starving anymore, wouldn't have any lack of supplies, and my family would be closer, I would no longer have to be absent from my little sister or my nephew's lives--missing them growing up. But I was still ANGRY. I knew my parents wanted a change of pace from Arizona--it seems like no non-conservative is safe there anymore, so I don't blame them--but I didn't expect them to move so quickly! But then I thought:
This is my mother we're talking about.
She's protective. Maybe that word is an understatement. Okay, it IS an understatement, but I couldn't believe the fact she really had proven her crazy by following me out here when I know she has NO desire to live here. She detests cities, unless you're walking down Michigan Avenue or Manhattan in New York (my mother is also the only person in the world who has something against New York City) and she only proclaimed her dislike of Chicago the entire time she and my father were here to move me in, and weeks after they had already left. So why are they moving here?
I'm still not sure.
She went on and on the other day about why I couldn't have gone to a school in California or Colorado--(because they don't have good journalism schools in either of those states....) and I always ask if she wants to live in those places so badly--why doesn't she go??
Still no answer.
She insists that I still have my independence living at the dorm, but I can feel it quickly slipping away. And me being as dramatic as I can tend to be sometimes...I feel like even though MOST of this is about being closer to me/being overprotective/saving some money on my future tuition costs--their moving being a fantastic way to jeopardize my boyfriend and I's relationship seems to be an underlying factor too.
(Moral of that story? My parents want someone for me who will treat me like a princess, and treat THEM like the King and Queen, and is vanilla enough not to turn me into "something else". I want to share my life with someone I'll smile about decades later and taught my new things about life. I believe I've found that person--but our anniversary is in a few weeks so I'll write a sappy post about that later).
Not to mention the fact my best friends--the only thing WORTH it about Arizona....so many traditions put on hold from now on.
I'm TRULY so frustrated because I am loving where my life is right now. I'm more confident with city living, I'm more confident being on my OWN, and I feel like life is only going to get better from this point on. But once again there's a hurdle stopping me from reaching my ultimate peak point. When you had a fantastic day exploring a new neighborhood or part of the city, and you wanna tell your mom about it, but all she can talk about is how gross and disgusting it was that you rode public transportation? It's a real downer.
I was going to go on a whole other tirade about how politics and dogmatic people bring out the worst in individuals but I'm too tired for that now. And sad :(
Shopping for my Halloween costume tomorrow (on my VERY limited budget) and hopefully persuading said mother into buying me the entire Lana Del Rey Winter Ad Collection from H&M tomorrow.
Always hoping for a better tomorrow.
October 2012
I currently have a C in my Intro to Journalism class. Why? Because for some reason the majority of our grade is based on frivolous current event pop quizzes instead of you know--writing assignments. I DO keep up with current events. But glancing around at other people's grades as quizzes are being passed out--I know I'm not the only one struggling with this grading concept. How on EARTH are we supposed to be prepared to know about a random picking of ten events when there are THOUSANDS going on and being reported about at one time. A better quiz would be to LIST ten current events, so students can share what THEY have found and there's more of a diversity going. I am sorry I don't pay attention to the copy-cat strikers (aka some new group every week) after the infamous teacher's strike. It's like when everyone started to get photographed not wearing underwear after Paris Hilton did. Eventually they all started to blend in---"Who was it this week?" I think we have a total of three writing assignments in this class (including a book review on the media one I complained about in the last post). Now it's not a matter of how well I write my articles--because I always turn in a well written paper--it's a matter if my professor likes it or not because from the vibes I've gotten thusfar from her---she does not like me. My guess is that ever since the first day when I announced I was a broadcast concentration I got an invisible eyeroll. "Oh so you just want to be on TV" she and many others I'm sure thought.
WRONG.
This is what angers me about having to choose a concentration/explaining "what I want to do with my life" to others. I don't want to be just some talking puppet who reads off the ongoings of the county fair or what I'm sure many think I aim to do --be a semi-well dressed reporter on the sidelines of the red carpet interviewing all the pretty people. No. I want to be the reporter famous people WANT to nab an interview with. I want to do some broadcasting so people have a face to my words, and I want my image to be one that they can trust, and always know they are getting the best and most honest information from. I want to ask those hard questions--the ones that push the line. I want an audience to know me as a person, not just a face on a screen or a byline underneath the headline. I want to connect the world through my words, my thoughts, and my reports so a majority of the world has a common connection with top stories.
So no, to anyone who thinks otherwise, I don't want to just be some "anchor". I eventually want to start my own magazine, for TODAY'S woman, who doesn't need a 100 page magazine simply on what lipstick to choose. For someone ultra literate, appreciative of history and the future, who doesn't mind look stylish while she's conquering her own world. I want to interview Presidents and world leaders, one hit wonder singers and incognito hollywood stars. I want to do it all.
And I don't need anyone who thinks I'm aiming too high, to be standing in my way.
